During Riot Fest, QRO got a chance to talk with Balsac the Jaws of Death and Beefcake the Mighty of GWAR. Your correspondent somehow survived meeting the unholy guitarist and bassist of the intergalactic juggernaut, who pontificated on playing Riot Fest, their current, massive tour of the country, their upcoming book, Let There Be GWAR, thinking about thinking about a new album, GWAR HAPPENS, that Kanye shouldn’t come to their shows, your correspondent’s annoying questions, and more…
QRO: How is it like to be back at Riot Fest, yet again?
Beefcake the Mighty: How is it like? Well, it’s like it usually is; it’s awesome, ‘cause we’re here. Pretty much the glue that holds this shit together.
Balsac the Jaws of Death: Once again I’m horribly disappointed. Spent the whole day searching for the riot, but I can find no riot. Just fest, fest everywhere I look! No riot! I demand riot!
QRO: Do you have riots at the GWAR-B-Q?
QRO: You’ve got a big tour. How do you not burn out?
Beefcake: We’ve been going for like seventeen eons.
QRO: This current tour is long, going through Thanksgiving. Does GWAR celebrate a human holiday like Thanksgiving, or just GWAR holidays? Or is every day a holiday for GWAR?
Beefcake: Every day is drunken debauchery. If you want to call that a holiday, I suppose you could.
We don’t believe in ‘holiness’, unless it’s cavities to have sex with.
QRO: Do you give any thought to the band that has to play after you on stage?
Beefcake: No. Fuck them guys.
QRO: How did Let There Be GWAR finally come about?
Balsac: One of our human slaves figured out how to actually write. Put letters, and then stuck them on a bunch of pages, and then pushed it all together for a book.
Beefcake: To be fair, it’s mostly pictures. Most of our fans will be able to read it.
Balsac: Don’t be scared, GWAR fans. It’s only a few words.
QRO: Is it meant to sync up with the band’s 30th anniversary?
Beefcake: Sure, why not? We did that on purpose, I swear.
Balsac: We actually wrote the book twenty-nine years ago and said, “Let’s hold on to this for thirty years, and we’ll release it for our thirtieth anniversary.”
It worked out perfectly. It’s a lot more poignant now, makes more sense, now that the events in the book have actually happened.
QRO: Did you write the things in the book before they actually happened? Because you knew…
Balsac: We’re omniscient.
Beefcake: We didn’t really know; we’re just really good guessers.
Balsac: You do not want to play him at Hüsker Dü…
QRO: With all of GWAR’s history, how can the book be only 350 pages?…
Beefcake: Because… we ran out of paper, I don’t know.
QRO: Blame that on the slaves?
Beefcake: I blame everything on the slaves. I never do anything wrong…
QRO: How can anyone ‘let’ there be GWAR?…
Balsac: That is a good point. Before GWAR, there was nothing.
Beefcake: GWAR happened.
That’s a new bumper sticker, “GWAR HAPPENS”.
Balsac: Might as well lay back and enjoy it. GWAR is like the weather: let it happen. Lay back and enjoy it.
QRO: Are you working on a new record yet?
Beefcake: We are thinking about it…
Balsac: We have actually thought about having a meeting to come up with an itinerary for when we should start discussing possible songs.
QRO: You play all across the country (and Canada), including the heartland. Does GWAR play differently in, say, Iowa, differently that a big city such as Chicago?
Balsac: We play completely different styles of music. We’re actually a country band when we’re in the Midwest.
Beefcake: We draw much better out there when we play country music.
Balsac: We’re a surf band on the West Coast.
Beefcake: I thought we were a ska band out there?
Balsac: No, that in…
Beefcake: That’s in… some other culture.
QRO: Have you ever thought about incorporating defiling Donald Trump into your show?
Beefcake: If he shows up, we’ll defile him. These motherfuckers just show up, and we kill ‘em on stage.
Balsac: We have no say on who we kill.
Beefcake: They just show up; they follow us around.
QRO: I saw Oderus the Elder [get killed on stage]…
Balsac: What did he think was going to happen?
Beefcake: He was on our jock…
QRO: Do you all piss blue?
Beefcake: Somebody does, every now and again. That’s how you know you’re pregnant…
Balsac: I just heard that Kanye wants to get on the guest list. Why would Kanye wanna come to our show? He knows what’s gonna happen. It’s a GWAR show; he’s Kanye…
Beefcake: Plus he’s like the greatest rock star of all time, right?…
Balsac: I’m just telling you Kanye, you don’t wanna be on the guest list. Stay away…
QRO: You’ve been doing a bunch of interviews right now. What’s an annoying question that everybody’s been asking you?
Beefcake: Let’s see… All the ones that you just asked.
Balsac: What’s the square root of four?