Heartsleeves : Dirt & Water

<span style="font-style: normal"><img src="http://www.qromag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/heartsleevesdirtandwater.jpg" alt=" " />The question nobody wants the answer to: what if Hootie & The Blowfish added a saxophone into the mix and cultivated more of...
4.0 Self-released
2009 

Heartsleeves : Dirt and Water Some alternatives are too dreadful to contemplate.  What if the Nazis had won the war?  What if Lincoln had failed to preserve the union?  What if Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were to have a little plastic blonde lovechild?  Better to let these questions pass into the void and concentrate on the good in life.  Humans are naturally curious creatures, though, and the Pandoras among us just can’t seem to leave well enough alone.  On their recent release Dirt & Water (which, by the way, equals mud) the Heartsleeves ask the question nobody wants the answer to: what if Hootie & The Blowfish added a saxophone into the mix and cultivated more of a barbershop quartet vibe?

There’s nothing egregiously wrong with any of the individual elements of the Heartsleeves.  The jazz drums drum, the bass holds it down, the saxophone simmers.  Even the big fish barreled vocals of Jared Lucas Nathanson and Joshua Loomis could pass muster in the right context (hidden behind a wall of feedback, or buried in a church choir).  Unfortunately all these elements have been combined into a jazzy, lounge-y mélange that belongs up on stage at a wedding reception, not on your turntable.  A perfect storm of suck.

What a terrible thing to say!  Even more so because the Heartsleeves seem like pretty cool cats, the sort to share a joint with behind the club.  But you just can’t help feeling uncomfortable when they turn the eye-rolling, mid-‘90s coffeehouse lyrics up to eleven.  Here’s a nugget from "Symptoms of Rebellion":

The world keeps getting smaller and smaller and smaller
The rich and powerful are in for a treat
As it keeps getting harder and harder not to shit where you eat
Because we’re all wrapped up bits of hypocrisy
We threw out all the books of philosophy
We think we live in a democracy – it’s an aristocracy!
And what passes today for rebellious stand is an arm tattoo and an indoor tan
Folks are judging their intellect, -lect, -lect, by how many different kinds of wine they can recollect
Modern people have made the mistake to overly appreciate things like cigars, coffee and scotch
Which I quite like myself… a lot.

You might mostly agree with the sentiment (plus, kudos for rhyming ‘scotch’ with ‘a lot’) but the lyrics themselves are about as exciting as a ham sandwich on a cafeteria tray.  Completely predictable high school stoner pabulum delivered over tired elevator melodies.

On the whole the Heartsleeves make music for people who don’t really listen to music: victims of tinnitus, angst-y Mormons, your cat.  The mood of the album is amiable enough in limited doses.  But God help you if you’re in a room with no exits when the saxophone, barbershop harmonies, and Hootie sermons kick in.

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