Cheese People : Cheese People

<img src="http://www.qromag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/cheesepeoplecheesepeople.jpg" alt=" " />Cheese People's self-titled debut is a shoddy exercise in fourth world Russian disco-pop. ...
3.8 Self-released
2010 

Cheese People : Cheese People To the uninitiated, Cheese People’s self-titled debut is a shoddy exercise in fourth world Russian disco-pop.  But those with the right kind of ears can discern the notes of violence, greed, lethargy, and moral dissolution that went into the production of this record.  This is how one imagines Cheese People came into existence:

A brilliant young acne-suffering Russian hacker pulls off some puerile stunt, let’s say an obnoxious yet ultimately harmless computer virus, which catches the attention of the entire nation, maybe even the world.  Unable to restrain his overweening pride (in the movies, serial killers do this as well), the hacker begins to tease the hapless authorities with clues as to his identity.  His hubris leads to an inevitable slip up and the authorities close in.  But instead of being brought to justice, the tip is passed on (for a price) to the local organized crime outfit, who confront the kid and make him an offer he can’t refuse.  Before you know it, the hacker is in the employ of the Russian mafia, engineering all manner of internet crime in exchange for his freedom. 

The crime bosses start making money hand over fist with this kid.  To protect their investment, they assign a local tough to be both the kid’s bodyguard and slave-driver, to keep him productive and out of trouble.  The tough, let’s call him Petrov, is a small-time hood working for the organization.  He pimps on the side to make ends meet.  Inevitably his two occupations become intertwined; the kid hacker gets to know the girls, the girls get to know him.  None give the kid the time of day except for one girl, let’s call her Svetlana, who takes a real personal interest in him.  Maybe they’ve got family in the same small country town.  If this were a movie, this would be a great time for character development.  The kid and the prostitute discover a mutual interest in electronic music.  He’s the hardcore computer dork who loves Nine Inch Nails and understands ProTools; she’s the free-spirited coke-whore who dances the night away at the local discotheque: an odd couple.

Meanwhile, the pimp Petrov notices this blossoming relationship.  As long as the kid isn’t ‘closing the deal’, he can’t really find cause to come down on him (plus, he’s the boss’ property).  But every time Svetlana laughs at one of the kid’s jokes, Petrov sees red.  When the pair start to sketch out some disco tunes for a lark, he sees his opportunity to reassert his dominance.  He turns them into a band called the Cheese People and tells them they have to make him a hit record.  Svetlana is enthusiastic at first – it beats taking strange dick all the time – but she’s too much of a druggy mess to focus on the music.  As she withdraws from the creative process, Petrov resorts to the only motivational tool in his arsenal: violence.  He lays a beating down on Svetlana, which causes the kid, by this time enamored of the girl, to boycott the production in protest.

The Russian lowlifes are now locked in an uncomfortable détente.  Petrov can’t bust the kid’s head in because his bosses would whack him.  But the kid can’t protest forever because the girl he loves faces the constant threat of violence from her pimp – and Petrov makes it clear that the record better get done, or else Svetlana’s going to get more of the same.  The kid grudgingly resumes work; Svetlana can only participate if she’s thoroughly coked up; and the pimp even jumps into the mix with a few raps (bloody awful, but no one cares or dares to tell him).  Finally the record is complete.  Petrov bullies a few local DJs to play it in the discos, and forces it on some hapless Russian independent music promoter who, knowing how awful it is, has no other option except to send out blind PR emails to unfortunate bloggers around the world.  At which point, the bloggers give it a really, really crappy score.

MP3 Stream: "Ua-A-A!"

{audio}/mp3/files/Cheese People – Ua-A-A.mp3{/audio}

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